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by Kelly Graham
Women of Design

C.S. Lewis once said, "Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: 'What! You, too? I thought I was the only one!'"

I love this quote. And one thing I've learned as I've grown into adulthood is how much I need and rely on friends. Of course my childhood friends certainly played an important part in my social and emotional development. But until my mid-20s, I never realized that friends could actually become more like family…and be such an incredible support system in life. 

Today, I have a few girlfriends who are the closest thing I will ever have to sisters. They know me-the real me. I don't have to pretend around them. They've celebrated my biggest triumphs with me and they've cried with me through my biggest failures. My friends aren't afraid to tell me when I'm acting unreasonable and they will certainly tell me when I get lipstick on my teeth!  

Most importantly, though, my friends challenge me to become a more godly woman. Outside of my immediate family, these women are my biggest supporters in life. When I'm discouraged or heartbroken, they know exactly what to say or do to be an encouragement to me. That may mean letting me blab on about my frustrations over a fattening Mexican dinner or calling me with a Bible verse or a word of encouragement. And other times, it means handing me tissues when all I really needed was a good cry. 

The point is they are there for me. Like the friend mentioned in Proverbs 17:17: "Friends love through all kinds of weather…" (The Message). What a blessing to know that I can count on my friends no matter what else is going on in my life!

But like any other gift that God has given to me, I must be a good caretaker of it. And I need to remember that…just like in a marriage relationship…you and I must learn to keep Christ at the center of our friendships. What I hope to do today is to offer some practical ways you can do this…and help your friendships grow and mature over the years.

1. Build your friendships on a mutual faith in Christ.

While it's important to cultivate friendships with non-believers, it's also vital that we invest our lives with those who are also walking and growing in their own relationships with the Lord.

2. Don't take your friends for granted.

It's all too easy to take your friends for granted! Oftentimes, we just assume that, like our loved ones, friends should automatically know how we feel about them. But unless we regularly let them know that we appreciate them, our friendships can easily become one-sided or undervalued. As Anna Cummins said, "Do not save your loving speeches for your friends till they are dead; do not write them on their tombstones, speak them rather now instead."

3. Take the time to invest.

Like any relationship, friendships require initiative. While we all get busy, it's important that we still take time…whether by phone or email…to invest in our friends.

4. Be honest.

Friends should never sugar-coat the truth, but speak the truth in love and honesty. If you can't be honest with your friends, your relationships will always remain shallow and less likely to be a blessing to the both of you. As Ralph Waldo Emerson says, "A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud."

5. Create boundaries.

Finally, no matter how close you and your friend are, there should always be healthy boundaries established. Boundaries keep friends from being codependent and allow you time and space to grow individually. A true friend will respect your boundaries and encourage your individual growth!